It was the marriage wake-up call I needed to hear. 

As is common in newlyweds, Anthony and I had much to learn when we married 17 years ago – about God and each other.  After a few short years of marriage, I had a full laundry list of complaints detailing what my husband was doing “wrong”. 

I took this list to God and, like a child standing before their parent, made very sure that He saw my finger pointing emphatically at my husband.  The Lord needed to understand that I was blameless; all of our marital woes were clearly my husband’s fault.

(Insert eyeroll and hysterical laughter here.)

God, in His incredible patience and wisdom, let me grapple with this for a bit.  Then, He responded – kindly, gently, and oh so clearly.

Work on you.  Pray for him.

Wait…what??

Me?  Work on me?  What about him?  He’s the one with all the problems!!

Once the initial shock wore off, I learned to embrace God’s answer.  That simple truth not only transformed my marriage – it changed my life and freed me from the notion that I could ever fix or change anyone!  I could only ever change myself.

My responsibility is always to work on me and pray for “them”.

Jesus knew this would be something we needed to learn as He said, “Why do you look at the splinter in your brother’s eye but don’t even notice the beam of wood [the log] in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)

All relationships are going to encounter tension.  Whether it’s in marriage, our families, or co-worker interactions, our initial tendency when we run into conflict is to find fault with the other person.  We nitpick at their “splinters” while we ourselves are blinded by the logs (the sin, the shadows, the wrong thinking, the pride) in our own lives! 

Yet, the Holy Spirit will always graciously bring it back to us. 

Is there something in me that needs to change?  How do I need to grow in Christ so that I can bring grace, light, and truth to the relationship?  What is God teaching me about myself through this conflict?

It boils down to us continuing to work on our relationship with God (ultimately, our primary and most important relationship).

“…work out your own salvation…for it is God who is working in you both to will and to work according to His good pleasure.” (Philippians 2:12-13)

God is always at work in us – calling us to a deeper walk with Him, drawing us into sweeter fellowship with Him, and teaching us to be more and more like Him each day. 

Our attention needs to stay on Him as we hear Him say today  – work on you.  Pray for them.

Until next time, Grace and Glory!