My internal dialogue went like this: “Alright Kristen, don’t talk during your massage today. Just lay there and be quiet.”

Easier said for me than done.

Over the last several years, I have made it a point to chat with every masseuse I’ve had.

I would ask purposeful questions so that I could get to know them better.

How long have you been doing this? Do you enjoy what you do? What’s your favorite part of the job?

Before I knew it, my time was up and I’d spent the whole session focused on being present and engaged with my masseuse.

As a result, I would walk away from those treatments and still not feel like my body was fully relaxed or had been allowed to enjoy the rich blessing of such a beautiful service.

Until that life-changing day when God prompted me to be quiet and just receive.

I’ll openly admit that it was extremely difficult at first. Every fiber in me wanted to talk to the lady working on me. It felt rude not to.

But I didn’t. I gave myself permission to relax because God did.

And when my massage ended and the lady walked out of the room, I wept quietly.

I was honestly a bit taken aback by this. I hadn’t planned to cry. It just came over me.

As I processed it a little deeper, I realized that somewhere over the course of my life I thought I had to be the one constantly giving, giving, giving.

Maybe you can relate?

I had been conditioned to believe that it was selfish of me to just receive.

How often, I wonder, had I done this with God?

How many times had I tried to “give back” to Him in return for all He’s done for me?

How often have I attempted to glean His favor by serving more, showing up more, giving more?

I had gotten used to sacrificing myself on the altar of service for the sake of everyone else. I’m sure that perspective had impacted my relationship with God, too.

But Jesus provided us with great clarity when He said, “…love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39 CSB)

On that glorious massage day, wrapped in my fluffy, warm robe, God reminded me again that we’re not instructed to love our neighbor instead of ourselves, but as ourselves.

My need to relax is just as important as my neighbor’s.

So is my need for care, play, rest, and friendship – all the things I knew were beneficial for others to enjoy but haven’t always paused to receive them myself.

It’s a tension that seems to be especially hard for women. We think we have to be everything to everyone all the time at the expense of ourselves.

The simple truth is, we can’t. Our human margins make it impossible.

Only God can be everywhere all the time and be everything to everyone.

When we give ourselves the same grace and consideration that we extend to others, we not only have a healthier perspective of our own relationship with God and each other, but an overall healthier life.

And ultimately, it frees us up to give and to receive.

Until next time, Grace and Glory!