I sat down to process my thoughts. 

My husband and I had just concluded a verbal jousting match that had left me feeling empty inside and frustrated.  We had opposing opinions on something and had been talking it through.  But the more we talked, the wider the disagreement became.

As I sat alone, reflecting on our conversation, I flipped open my Bible to I Corinthians 13: 4-7.  This well-known “love passage” is used in nearly every marriage ceremony, etched on plaques and picture frames, and displayed on walls in churches and businesses alike.  Like many people, I’ve heard it so many times in my Christian walk, that I have it memorized. 

Having it lodged in my brain and actively walking it out are two very different things, however.

“Love is patient, love is kind.  Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs…it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

I slowed down, read it again, and deeply thought about it. 

It’s important to understand that the love being talked about here is derived from the Greek word agape meaning unconditional love; pure love; the kind of love that seeks another’s good over one’s own.  It’s not talking about affection, feelings, or our romanticized Hallmark version of Valentine’s Day.

Paul, the divinely-inspired author of Corinthians, noted two things love is (patient and kind) and seven things it is not (envious, boastful, arrogant, rude, self-seeking, irritable, or a record-keeper of wrongs).

I sat there mentally replaying the verbal debate my husband and I just had.  Then I laid this passage of Scripture over it and was convicted as I realized I had hop-scotched my way through all seven nots and completely ignored the patient and kind part. 

And isn’t that what we tend to do when we enter the arena of contentious conversations?  Our unsanctified self wants to interrupt, cite past wrongs and ensure our side is heard completely?

Humbling ourselves, returning to the cross, and asking Jesus for forgiveness is our divine solution.  Because, it’s only Jesus who can continually help us learn to truly love. 

Relationships (marriage, in particular) will hold up a mirror and show us just who we really are.  Not who we think we are.  Big difference usually.  For a Christ-follower, that’s a wonderful thing, though, because it makes us more and more like Jesus and less and less like us! 

 “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17 NIV)

Until next time, Grace and Glory!