**The following story is shared from the heart of Cara Yates – a true daughter in Christ; fellow laborer in ministry; and a woman wise beyond her years. I’ve left the story in Cara’s own words as I feel any changes to it would have diminished her message greatly. I pray her story is exactly what someone needs to hear today.**

I’m sitting at my desk in my home office pondering over my battles with depression, anxiety, and imposter syndrome, reading the motivational sticky notes all over the wall in front of me while I try to decide what to write about.

What is my God story? How can I relate to others and make someone feel a little less alone?

I think the story starts with dirt.

Hang in there with me. Let me explain…

I’m not the best with words, expressing emotions, or even feeling emotions (especially when it comes to positive ones).

Sometimes I just feel empty.

Sometimes I feel like dirt.

That feeling might stem from an interaction I had with someone where I felt like they didn’t see me, understand me, or maybe they ignored me altogether. Many times, I’ve been stepped on, rejected, and brushed to the side…much like dirt.

I haven’t seen myself as worthy of a platform or position beyond being someone who others called upon when they needed something. I was the thing other people stood on to lift themselves up.

I wondered how or if God could ever use me; I often felt unnoticed.

I’ve been passed up for several job opportunities I felt very qualified for. I’ve given Biblical advice to someone in crisis and watched them still make the wrong decision and go on to leave a trail of brokenness and hurt behind them.

Did I have any influence on the world and people around me? Did my words matter? Did I matter? Would anyone miss me if I just…left? These are the questions that constantly rattled around in my brain. The questions I would base my worth off of.

Then, one day, something happened.

In the midst of feeling like barren soil that could provide nothing to the forest around it, in my most uncomfortable state—surrounded by hundreds of sweaty teenagers at youth camp—a word was shared with me by someone I barely knew.

“Cara, the Lord just gave me an image for you. I see a flower that is growing and about to bloom.”

These words brought me to tears.

Here I was, feeling like dirt that lacked any ability to produce anything of value or sustain life, and someone saw me.

Not just someone, but Someone…The One.

At this moment, I knew the Lord had plans for me. I knew He saw me in my brokenness and confusion. I knew He wanted to redeem everything that had made me feel discarded. He wanted to use me.

And He did.

In the time since this word was shared with me, my community has been rebuilt, I’ve made some new friends, been stretched and challenged, led worship, found some amazing mentors, and broken free from the chains my depression had on me for over a decade.

He used my mess to build bridges and connect with people I never would have had anything in common with otherwise. He used pieces of my story to make someone else feel a little less alone, and that made it all worth it to me.

Has it been all rainbows and sunshine since then? Definitely not (I write with a chuckle).

Following and trusting Jesus was not promised to be easy. Hardships and challenges will still come, but I can find rest in knowing that I don’t suffer in vain. I suffer for Christ who first suffered for me. 

During this season of feeling like dirt, I was reminded that the Lord has a plan for everything. The hurt doesn’t last forever. The timing is His, not ours, and it’s perfect.

I wasn’t ready for a season of blooming when I wanted it. I needed to establish deeper roots so I could remain standing when the storms of life came rushing through. 

A verse I held closely during this time was Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

In what felt like a season of constant mourning – mourning my friend group that fell apart, losing five loved ones/family members in four years, being rejected for jobs I so desperately wanted – I continued to be comforted.

The Lord always seemed to send me the right people at the right time to sit with me and comfort me. Where He couldn’t physically hold me, He sent people that could. 

I used to believe that being dirt meant I was useless. Eventually, I realized how much we need dirt. It holds nutrients to help other things grow. It builds up into mountains. It’s where life begins.

If you feel like dirt today, just know that you aren’t useless. Something will grow if you till the soil and put in the work.

I don’t know about you, but I am happy to be dirt.

~~~~~

Do you have a God story you’d like to share? I would love to hear it! Reach out to me using this contact page to connect.

Remember, your life is a gift to the world and your God story matters.

Someone needs to hear it.

Until next time, Grace and Glory!